Creative Space Online Counseling and Coaching

bmaulding@csocounseling.hush.com ~ 1 (224) 623-2251

We are an online provider who provides therapy services for individuals suffering from anxiety in the Chicagoland area, mid Illinois, and Southern Illinois. We provide coaching services, anger management, and a tailored anxiety program for individuals living in the United States and Internationally.

Are You My Soul Mate?

Are you my Soul Mate?

We’ve all seen the fluffy movies where it’s a beautiful love story. Both parties end up getting together and living happily ever after. We would love the idea that there is someone out there that is perfect match for you. The belief that there is a ying to your yang is a warm and fuzzy feeling. It means that you are not alone.

Beliefs Lead to Actions

I know that it is great to think that someone else completes you, but this concept also robs you of a couple of different things. It robs you of the opportunity to learn and grow. You can learn to grow to work with a variety of different personality types (YES! It’s definitely possible!). It also robs you of being happy in a potentially good relationship, because he or she does not fit your ideal to the tee.

Say What?

I love watching those television shows which actually do a great job showing what a healthy relationship actually looks like. You know, the ones where they actually show couples fighting and actively working to resolve issues. I like this, because the fluffy moments are not always going to be there. When I say fluffy, I am talking about those fuzzy, feel good moments. Any type of relationship is going to take work. I also love it, because some people do not have the privilege of seeing what a healthy relationship looks like.

I think it’s always interesting to to see how an individual’s mindset relates to their satisfaction of their relationship. Individuals that have a more realistic set of expectations tend to have a much better time in relationships. In fact, sometimes, the fact that love stories portray issues magically disappearing does more damage than good. It doesn’t set a good example of what to expect in real life relationships.

Every relationship is going to ups, downs, and in-betweens. That’s life. Just because a relationship has bumps does not mean that the person is not worth your time. I do want to clarify that when I say bumps, I do NOT mean physical, mental, or verbal abuse. I mean healthy arguments.

Along with this, there is the concept of reading one’s mind. I see this all the time with individuals. It boils down to communication and being able to effectively communicate with another human being. I know it’s not perfect, because usually with communication it takes two to tango. So, wanting another person to read your mind while getting upset when he/she can’t, will not lead to a happy ending for you. It will leave you feeling resentful and with thoughts of “if they knew me well enough, I wouldn’t have to tell them”. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. Eventually, as people get to know each other, your significant other may be able to read body language, but this is an art form that does not come naturally to everyone. Even though he or she may be able to see that you are upset, they may not understand why you are upset, and this, my friends, is where your words come in.

The belief in soul mates may lead to someone to reject and ghost people who do not live up to their expectations. It may also lead someone to solely spend time with a single person, because if the person is his or her soul mate, why spend time with anyone else? However, this is not healthy either. Human beings need interactions with other people, because they need to be able to have experiences outside of their relationship. Solely spending time with one person could pull your sense of fulfillment so that you don’t feel as satisfied with life in general. A well rounded person is going to be a happier person.

The Wrap Up

The concept of soul mates has been used to keep people in toxic relationships. Remember when I talked about emotional, physical, and verbal abuse? Some people may use the concept of soul mate to keep someone in an abusive relationship. Try not to fall into the trap of believing in soul mates, because it can cause you to miss out on building relationships with family, friends, and significant others. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Also, a relationship is going to take work, and it’s going to take a healthy set of boundaries as well as a focus on what a relationship actually looks like.

Still Need Something Extra?

Are you interested in learning more about yourself? Are you stuck in a pattern of unhappy relationships and not sure why? I can help with that too. We can strategize and talk about what those next steps would look like. Go ahead and schedule a time to talk with me.

Creative Space Online Counseling and Coaching

Barbara Maulding, NCC, LCPC

224-623-2251

Illinois